Victoria Pendleton Called the Police

I am sick and tired of lenders relaying information to brokers and clients alike that makes no sense on any level.

Let me clear that up, generally speaking the second charge market place appears to be populated with “can do” people, focussed on the client and willing to make concessions in order to further the interests of all; no I am strictly speaking to the first mortgage lenders who will gladly spin a yarn that Aesop would be proud of.

Sadly, whereas Aesops’ fables come with a clear life moral, the first mortgage moral seems to be clearly defined as “to hell with the customer”.

The lack of care and realism is profound, so profound that the term “customer service manager” is for most of the first mortgage lenders a tragic oxymoron. The entire ethos of displaying unhelpful unrealistic behaviour is ingrained in their culture, you only have to look at their advertising; it is fanciful to say the very least.

Take the adverts where we see a strange fat balding man sitting opposite the nations’ sweetheart Jessica Ennis, banging on about his mortgage and current account. There is Ennis sat down on the floor (presumably she is burning her furniture for fuel since the latest energy price hikes) in her pink furry poodle slippers, the choice of footwear for the cold millionaire athlete who can’t afford to turn the combi on. Then from nowhere this guy appears, he doesn’t introduce himself he just starts explaining some personal financial vehicles he is benefitting from. Presumably Ennis sees this chap as an angel sent to help her manage her money more frugally, like a meals on wheels version of Martin Lewis, letting himself in and barking an incessant unregulated tide of advice, only in a nice non-annoying way that doesn’t worry Ennis.




A while ago I let myself into Victoria Pendletons’ house, I sat and waited, I wanted to tell her, without her request, about my ISA with Nationwide. She came in with her husband (didn’t know she was married), he was quite stroppy you know, she was crying, they called the police, I got a caution. They didn’t even open the ISA, complete waste of time that.

That’s the thing, this fantasy plain that banks and their customer service reps inhabit, has none of societies rules, no anchors of common sense or ethics, and they will run urine scented yellow liquid on your head, soaking you to the bone and gleefully tell you “it’s rain”.

The “benevolent home invader” advertising bank recently told me that they had not heard from me or my company regarding a mutual client, a client who was under threat of repossession. Let’s say that this conversation took place on the 11th of October 2013 after a huge and frustrating verbal arm wrestle. My response “do you come to work in a delorian? Or is it that you have psychics working there like on that Minority Report? Or are you lying to me?” Was met with bewilderment. I explained that given they had written to us with a letter dated 10th October “that one of the three options had to be the answer, which did she think was most likely?” Was still met with confusion. 

The sad fact is that it seems that the duty of care that first mortgage providers are meant to display to their customers, is being passionately upheld by the second charge market, a market that genuinely wants to help clients, whilst the fist mortgage company will in the majority of occasions willfully obstruct with a lack of service.

The denoument is that after 2 weeks of fighting customer service managers, the banks collection team sorted the issue out, start to finish in 30minutes. Unfortunately this issue is not isolated, and having spoken to several of my contemporary packagers, is the norm. 

The irony is that it costs £140 for BSQ consent and a payment profile from this lender. They have demonstrated that they can turn it round in 30minutes, thus they can if they put their minds to it hold onto the majority of the £140 as the cost of servicing the request would be so much lower IF THEY JUST DID IT. Nope, instead we play the part of Jessica Ennis/ Jensen Button/ Rory McIlroy, desperately trying to make sense of what the bank is telling us, whilst secretly wishing we could sort them out with a bat.


2 thoughts on “Victoria Pendleton Called the Police

  1. Angela says:

    Enjoyed the rant and yes sometimes it feels like you are dealing with numpty’s

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